Wednesday, June 24, 2009

confessions of a cleaning avoider..

You know I don't think I was born to clean.
I think I had a higher calling, maybe with a titile:

'She Who Hires Cleaner'.

Yes That she be my title. I could even make it grander:

Duchess of "She Who Hires Cleaner".

But alas I have another title, I am more commonly known as:

'she who can't afford a cleaner, as she doesn't work out side the home and cannot possibly justify one to her working virgo husband.'

Needless to say I find that title rather longwinded and go by the shorthand version of 'Mum.'

So this morning as Mum of this house, I decided that the dogs licking the dropped food off the floor was no longer a satisfactory way of cleaning my tiles.. Mopping required. I HATE mopping.

But to mop, you need to sweep. To sweep, you need to clear the mess left from the breakfast rush and the mass exodus left by three girls. To clear the mess, you need to empty the clean dishes from the dishwasher in order to put the dirty brekky dishes in.


I gave up briefly. Had a coffee and then proceeded to attack with gusto.

It was all going rather well. Until Miss M needed, nay demanded to get out of her highchair. There is only so much high pitched squealing one can tolerate with a broom in hand.
So I release her and I keep sweeping. I have three little piles of dirt..Great.. off to get the shovel and brush. Return to first pile.

Child of high pitched squealing variety is now QUIETLY and diligently eating said pile.

Remove child to far corner of room and hurriedly finish sweeping before she returns.
Set up Miss M with some toys and decide to start the dreaded mopping. Get halfway through to discover Miss M SILENTLY stalking me from behind, crawling her sleep suited self through the WET clean tiles.


Remove her again and try to QUICKLY finish what I had started. Round the corner into the kitchen to find her sitting on the open WET door of the dishwasher.


Remove her again. Put her in another lounge room. I am deluded of course. The child can crawl as fast as I can get out of cleaning in the first place! Get a full 5 min of mopping done before I wonder what she is up to. Cannot be anything good.

Look up the hall to find her GNAWING on a balled up dirty nappy that I had piffed at the general vicinity of the garage in the early hours of the morning from the warmth of my bed... least it's her own filthy nappy. There has to be a bright side right?

Give up and go to the loo. Miss M follows. Funny how I never ever shut the toilet door anymore? Why bother? Privacy is something I obviously gave up four children ago.

Try to do my business with a standing 10mth old hanging onto my trackies and pawing at the toilet roll. She manages to abscond briefly with a mouthful of paper... Come on I was otherwise preoccupied...

I gather her back and in desperation offer her the empty roll, the choices weren't great. Have her crawl and pick up the toilet brush EEK! The toilet roll seemed the better option to allow me peace to finish my business.

So...Rather than worry about the nex pile of washing that was next on my list of things to do. I let her take her roll to play with and grabbed the camera..

That's my confession for the day..
Can anyone beat that?



  1. OMG! lol I know exactly what you mean - who would want to be a Mum? Not my husband that is for sure!

  2. lol we can all relate Celeste but cannot top that story love it

  3. lol we can all relate Celeste but cannot top that story love it

  4. you had me in stitches celeste...i'm so glad to discover i'm not alone :) tatum xx

  5. haha!! so next time mop while she's sleeping?? lol. (as if, that's scrapping time!! lol) BTW my hubby is a virgo and SO not a list maker or neat freak. I have spent the last 3 weeks doing a major de-clutter of the last 10 years worth of his crap!!