Will she always be this way?
Will she always roll her eyes at me when I say something she doesn't want to hear?
Will she sigh theatrically at every serious word I say?
Will she not meet my eye when she is grown?
Will she still sob quietly behind the couch where she she thinks I cant hear her?
Will she still sob loudly behind the couch so I can?
Will she always slam a door, a drawer anything - to make her point?
Will she still sulk?
Will she still whine?
Will she be like this at 13?
Will she be the same at 16?
Will she alway react to me this way?
Will she understand why I am consistently firm?
Will she run wild?
Will she rebel?
Will she confide in me?
Will she want to?
It's the conundrum of parenthood..It seems delightfully far away when they are tiny and small, snug in the safety of your arms...
But far to soon you are going head to head with your beautiful daughter.. Again and again..
And I worry...Will she hate me for this? Will this look she gives me - will it mean much more in years to come? She moves on each time..But I am left wondering what she hasd tucked away from each experience? Hurt? Anger? Resentment..Or maybe respect?? I can only hope..
Every argument, gentle discussion, rasied voice and subsequent consequence feels like a hurdle we are both jumping as we hurtle closer toward the teenage years..And I fear the teenage years..Always have..Perhaps I am overthinking this and allowing my own fears to cloud each situation with her?
I love her and want desperately to guide her into becoming a good adult..But it's not always a mapped out journey..And at times it's pretty darned full of potholes... But I am honest with her too..Expressing my fears and thoughts at her expressions and over reactions..Asking if she realises how her behaviour affects me and others?
Don't get me wrong though..She is otherwise a delightful and quirky child..Loving, cheeky and responsible..And although I fear it - I continue to dish out the same firm line..Not acceptable...
Whether or not her response is appropriate remains undetermined each time....And each time I am left wondering the same question...Which is at the heart of the matter really..
Will she still love me?
Note: Please if you are reading this - I am not sobbing hopelessly into my pillow...I am fine..We didn't even have a rough day.. This was just me pondering over our dinner preparations about my feelings about it..And I just wanted to get it down..